Denise Smith, Generational Curse Breaker

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I absolutely love people. So when I had to be in my space alone for a long period of time, I began to really struggle.

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Welcome to episode one, official episode of Chewing the Fat. I am your host, Big Robb. Thank you so much for joining me on this journey. I am so excited about it. And my first guess, I couldn't think of anyone better to do my first episode with one of my best friends in the world, Denise Smith, joining me from Philly, Denise. Hello, hi everybody. How are you doing? I'm doing great.

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I'm having a wonderful day. Today I was pretty chill, just laundry, and focused on schoolwork, but I feel really, really good. How are you? I'm doing good. I'm excited about this new little, you know, hopefully more than a hobby that I got going on with the podcast here. I knew when I was putting it together, and of course you've been there for the journey. I've been sending you like, oh, what about this logo? What about that? I'm gonna do this music. What do you think about this? And you're like, do it, do it, do it, do it. And I finally hit the record button, hit the drag button.

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So I wanted you to be here for step one, episode one. So thank you. You're welcome. I'm honored. I'm honored to be your friend. I'm honored to see you actually completing your dreams. And I'm always going to be a catalyst for you. I'm always going to be here for you to kind of push you towards what you want to do. I'm just like, whatever you decide to do, you're going to be great at it. You have so much experience in it. And when I did my podcast as well, you were just there every step of the way. So I had to return the favor. Well, and I appreciate that. Yeah.

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different when you're on the host side of this. It's like, before I was just the guy in the background telling you what cables to plug in and stuff like that. So, so being on the host side of it is completely different. So you put me at ease and I appreciate that. We, I've titled this episode generational curse breaker because that's how I love to think of you as a generational curse breaker. We became friends from day one, seven years ago when we first started a retail job together.

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And, you know, walking into the job, I didn't think I'd find a lifelong friend because that wasn't what I was looking for. I was looking for a paycheck, you know what I mean? Yeah. And I mean, from day one, we just clicked and it's just been a pleasure seeing you blossom and seeing you grow and to really put on the mantle of a generational curse breaker because that wasn't necessarily you seven years ago, but... It wasn't, yeah.

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here now. I'm so glad to have been a part of it. Yeah. I feel like starting seven years ago, I began to blossom and change because I met amazing people and you are in my VIP club. You are my, I call you my Snapplecat. I push it full of random, very useful facts that I kind of take with me everywhere I go. And I have changed a lot, but I have to give credit to the people I've chosen to be around. So it's so funny. Like when we go to restaurants or things like that, I'm like, yeah,

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meeting a friend and you walk in and just like, wow, these people look so different, but they mesh very well together. And he changed my life in a positive way. But yeah, I love the title of the first episode because I feel like in between now and then I have began and I'm actually officially about to break some generational curses for my family. So I'm super excited about that. There's been a lot of pressure, a lot of turbulence, but

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Let's talk about some of the curses that you've broken. Okay. When I say that term, generational curse, what's the first one that comes to mind for you? For me, it's going to be receiving and actually earning my college degree. So I'm graduating with my bachelor's in business of September 25th officially. There's a first year for my graduation. No one in my immediate family has done that. So I am the first one. Also, I'm getting married to love my life, Joe.

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So also knowing that my immediate family is married and I'm unfortunately I haven't seen a successful marriage in my direct family. But I finally, I was able to go to therapy, change how I saw things, change my mind for communication. That's another generational curse broken. And I found someone who's actually helped me grow and blossom. So we're going to get married and that's another thing I'm breaking. And I've over the past year learned how to invest my money. So Rob, help me out.

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He started with me a while ago with stockpile, and then we had good conversations with eTrade, and then I also learned how to invest in the foreign exchange market with my friends, as well as trying to get the Torian key, and we've been, I've been learning how to make my money in my sleep, and it's something that we're normally not taught, which you need to be taught in school, but it's gonna help pay for all of my future endeavors, like a house, or another car, or a way to kind of retire myself and my future wife.

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are some crazy things I've been breaking. So I'm excited. It is amazing. And again, to think that it's, I mean, seven years doesn't seem like a long time, but for all of those barriers to be taken down and taken down and taken down, and you're working on your second degree, right? Yes, my second degree. So, I mean, so you got one in the pocket and you make it, and you go in for another one. You found out how to love yourself truthfully, you know? And that's what has been a big catalyst

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find somebody who knows how to love you properly and how the way that you need to be loved. Absolutely, and because you and I were always taking care of everybody else, you know? So it's like to have someone to take care of you was like, wow, I didn't even realize I needed this. And also like another thing that you and I have both been experiencing going through was like a wonderful weight loss journey of like just making healthier choices and treating our bodies a lot better than we used to. So everyone in my family has high blood pressure, diabetes, you name it.

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When you lose the weight, I'm kind of like helping to get out of that mode as well. But I didn't realize that people just want me to live. And of course, granted, you can die if you die every day. But like, if you could choose to make a choice that doesn't cause a heart attack, I mean, doesn't hurt, you know? Exactly, exactly. And, I mean, that's another curse broken. That's another curse broken. You know, things we think we're stuck in our bodies and it's so hard, but it is, it is a determination. It is a will. And it's a determination that you have to see these things through.

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to realize that this is good for me, this is good for Denise, and this is something I need to do, and you stick to it, you are so steadfast in that. And when you set your mind to it, you're gonna accomplish it. And it takes a lot to try and sway you, and not much sways you once you've got your mind set to things. And that's amazing. That's amazing because again, I knew you before, but it wouldn't take much to a little light breeze blowing, you'd be done swaying some other direction.

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So to see you be able to plant your feet so firmly into yourself, into your life, into what you want and what you want to see and to make those dreams come true, it's just amazing. It is just amazing. Thank you. Thank you. It has been an amazing, crazy road. But I'm here. I'm glad that I met you and people, no one's like you, but like people who have kind of tested my mind.

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to kind of be like, you know what, Denise, you're just talking, but you need to be a verb. You need to make it happen. And I was like, ooh, yeah, I need to be action-oriented. It's just, and we say, oh, I'm going to do all these things. I'm just like, no, I'm all going to leave Augusta, then I never left. But then I said, okay, I'm leaving Augusta. And by that time I was mature enough, I actually moved to Philadelphia and I've changed my life tremendously. So I took a leap of faith. I was scared, but I did it, you know? So now I'm happy. Yeah. And the thing is, is not only you're doing it for your

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I know for a fact you are spreading those pearls of wisdom to other people too. To let them know that hey this this can be you it's not just me. I mean yes. Yes Denise you are very special. You're very special to me and you are a rare rare gem of a person but you share that knowledge with other bones say hey this can be you too. You can do these things. You just have to put your mind to it. You just have to make that decision that today I'm gonna stand up. I'm gonna plant my feet and I'm moving in a direction that's best

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for my life. Right. Yeah. And that's what you do. You're, you're, I call you my lightning bolt because that's what you, you, you, you flash and you fry people and that energy that you give them, you know, it's like, it might knock them down, they pass out from it because it's so intense, but that's, that's what we need. It, it, it, it enlivens the body, you know, you, it's a shock to the system and it's, it's, it's living proof

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what they want to be. They can be the change that they want to see in the world. But the thing is, everybody's world is their own. So you got to change your own world before you can change the whole world. That's one of my favorite nicknames of all times. Like, I'm like, D-nikes, which I'm very used to now, but I love being called a lightning bolt because I said the description and it's like, dang, well, maybe, maybe I am that. Maybe I am all of these great elements. And then I call you my chatterbait biscuit, my CVV, because I feel like, you know, you're soft.

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You're Cuzzly and you are very well seasoned and you are a delicious human being. It's kind of like when I talk to you, I'm just like, he's smart, he's funny, he's handsome. He's also very loving and giving and he'll be like, you know what? Okay, you're doing good at this, but here's another idea. Here's another idea. Here's another way to kind of go about it, which you might have if I kind of give you this information. And I'm just like, yes, please give me this information. And you're just, you've always done that and you've been consistent in that and you are a wonderful kind.

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list for so many people and I just love you. I just can't ever imagine my life without you and every time I come to Augusta you're on the list and I have to see Rob. Like you're always on there. I'm saying if I can't see Rob, I said, Joe, go see Rob. I need someone to give him a hug for me because he needs that. You know, and I just I just love how you pull up on me, just make sure that I'm good. You know, you're just a great friend and you deserve all the things.

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All right, Denise, this is the point in the interview. This is a question where we start to dive deep, all right? Yes. You know, I always tell folks, I put on humor as like armor, you know, because things, you know, they can affect me. I get down, but I get back up again, like the song said. Because that's just who I am. I can't stay.

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in like those down moments. I love to stay positive. I love to see other people be positive. I like to shine positivity. But I think people that shine positivity most, they also struggle the most with like depression and things like that, getting into those dark spots. So the question is, how do you stay positive? How do you keep the dark at bay? Man, this is such a beautiful question. And it's kind of like, you don't think about it

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find yourself pulling yourself out of those dark moments. For me, for a long time, I would just kind of like burst things off, use humor like we talked about. But then I started realizing, you know what, I have a lot of like suppressed anger for things that have happened to me. And then sometimes I'll let things get to me, but instead of me trying to fix it, I'll supermanerug. So I did start talking to people about myself and my traumas, people who I trusted, of course, and I

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It's been, I think it's more accepted now, but for a long time, people just would deny how much they were struggling and they would, oh, it's just a rough day, it'll get better. But then you realize, hey, I'm just going through these really dark times. I think all of us kind of went through that during the pandemic and being alone. I absolutely love people. So when I had to be in my space alone for a long period of time, I began to really struggle. And for me, it was like, okay, let me talk to my partner about it. Let me talk to my friends about it.

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And also let me not rely on them so heavy because when you're just like talking to somebody about over and over again, it sounds like complaining. It's like, okay, Janice, wear your solutions. So I had to start finding solutions for my mental health. So instead of me relying on my partner coming home and taking care of me like a baby, she was like, hey babe, let's find some better sources for you. So I started using the sources through my job and going to therapy and finding a therapist

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they start actually going to see now because the world's opening back up. But honestly, talking to people, being accountable, because sometimes we don't take accountability for things that happen to us, and also just finding solutions. Like I started going outside, walking outside, just having the sun hit my skin, that was nice. Also just taking time away from things that were stressing me out. So a lot of us, like we work, work, work, work, work, work. I'm guilty of that. I'm a school worker, school worker, school worker. I started giving myself breaks.

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I would take a day off work during the week. If I felt stressed out, I would take a break from school and I would just do something I liked, play video games, watch a funny movie, or watch a sad movie to kind of cry whatever pain I had out. Yeah, but that's all I kind of do to keep the dark eye bay. I just started taking care of myself and not putting everyone before myself, self-care for sure. Absolutely, and I think that's one thing that, that's common against,

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Everybody has those times where they get down and going to therapy or starting therapy, it doesn't have to be laying down on a couch. Literally, it can be a conversation. It can be a conversation with a friend. That's, like you said, that can be the catalyst of change. That can be the catalyst to get you going in the right direction. Watching a movie, having those cry days. I have those cry days, you know, where it's like just the feels like the world is weighing on me and you're getting a shower, let the water hit you

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you just let it out, you know what I mean? Yeah. And that's how it feels. And it feels like you're so alone, but that's what I think, you know, this podcast, these conversations also wanna bring out is that we're not alone, okay? Nobody's alone. There's so much that everybody has in common if we just open up our eyes and open up our hearts to see that. Absolutely. And it's like, that's another generational curse. It's like broken. You're like, you're not out here.

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struggling in your feelings. And it's like, you feel weak because you actually feel things like my therapist, she said, you need to feel it. People just try to kind of like pick it up like it's like the Superman takes a rock off their chest. It's like, no, you got to kind of sit there and find ways to break it to get off of you. But like, when you just try to push it out, it's like, you're not going to be able to move it. You got to break it into pieces and dismantle it and find solutions. And I was like, wow, that is a very good call out. I'm going to do that now.

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when I stop trying to push it off at one time, I need to break it, break it first and then figure out a way to get it off you. I love that, I love that. Not trying to lift the whole boulder up all at once, but just chip away and brush it off. Chip it away and brush it off. And then by that time, the boulder gets so much lighter that you can lift that off. Right, easy push it off. And I was like, wow, I'm going to do that for my life. But it's okay to unpack things, it's okay to feel it, it's okay to cry, it's okay to talk to people about it. I still have my small circle who I trust to do that with,

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But I'm happy I'm even doing it because a lot of us don't do this kind of suffering silence with the sales. Yeah And that's that's what I don't want people to be you don't don't suffer in silence If you need someone to talk reach out and you reach out to me if you want to you know, I got a podcast email me Just just to say hey, you know, I'm going through this That's just you know, I ain't gonna have the solutions, but I listen to you You know, and I think I think part of that is is is the solution is that you need to know

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know that you heard that there are the people that are like you out there. People struggle with that and there's somebody that can listen to you and that's and that's what what is great about talking to your friends, talking to your trusted circle or talking to professional counseling too. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah.

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Oh, good.

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Thank you. Bye.

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and there's a bunch of different questions. It's created for podcasters to make it easy to interact with their guests and stuff like that. So it's got a random button on here and I'm gonna hit the random button and then I just, once I say it, I want you to give me your first answer. Now, if you need to think second, okay, I get it, but I don't, I just want you to tell me what's on your heart when we get these questions coming out. All right, here we go. And then we go for question number one.

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How do you feel about the saying, get busy living or get busy dying?

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Ooh, give me a sip. Oh, that's such a good, a good quote. I feel like for a long time I was, I was getting busy dying. I was just living to work and working to live. And I wasn't living my life. So I feel like over the last, I think I'm like four years, I started getting busy living, living as I started traveling. I started going to concerts. Then I, I chose to.

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physically move my location and I started doing all kinds of things outside of my comfort zone. And I realized, man, money, you can always get it back, but you can't get time back. So I need to spend my time doing things that I also love so I can say, oh, you know what, oh, I was doing this and messing in my career, going to school, whatever. But in the meantime, I was also doing all of these cool things I learned to do. I got a passport, I went out to country, and I'm just like, oh, this is a nice thing I would like to do in the future.

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So get busy living as soon as you can. Cause I didn't start doing the solvers 27, 28. I mean, there's people a lot younger than I am. I'm just like, please start to live. You can't get time back. That's true. And that's from one of my favorite movies and the Shawshank Redemption. And that scene where he's talking about, you know, get busy living or get busy dying. I think it's, you know, the world's not as black and white as that. And you don't just instantly do that again. But like we're talking about, it's a process. You got us, getting busy means

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the process. You know what I mean? So you're either going to sit there and just let the dying happen or you're going to start doing the work and start the living. I think that's a great answer. Denise, that's a great answer. All right. Here we go. Question number two. Do you have anything autographed by a celebrity? Yes. So we talked about get busy living. So I started to go to concerts. So one of the

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I started getting business living. I started, I went to go see the artist named Kay Lani, who I really, really enjoy. Uh, that was back in 2017. I actually did the meet and greet package and I met her and I got autographed, uh, what is it? The poster? But then one of my favorite ones was when I went actually went to see her in concert with my favorite R&B singers of now and probably for the rest of my life. Oh, I met her, got to talk to her and have a conversation and also had assigned, uh, CD.

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from her and assigned land year from her and she was amazing. And then most recently before the pandemic killed my dreams. March of 2020, I saw a new artist. Her name is Isla, she's R&B. And I was able to meet her and see her in concert. It was she's very new. So it was a very like a very close up awesome experience. And I got an autographed polaroid because I took one of her. And also a signed poster and my year that's on my fridge.

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Those are my favorite things I have signed by somebody who was famous, but that's because I chose to start living. I started going to see and experience people. So yeah. That's awesome. I remember when you went to saw her and I saw the photo you posted and I was mad because in her meet and greet photos, she covers her face. That's just part of her mystique. That's part of what she does. And I didn't understand it. And I thought she was like disrespecting you and I was so mad. Joe and I remember,

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I met her with Joe and my good friend, Key. And yeah, so that's at the time she wore sunglasses, so dark that she couldn't see her face. That was a part of her mystery at the time. So I was like, no, it's not that she does. She said every single picture at the time she was doing that. But now, if you take a picture, you can probably see her eyes now. But she wasn't distracting me. She was being awesome, just sticking to what she does. Yeah. Yeah, you made so much fun of me for that because I didn't know what was going on. Yeah, I did. I was like, it's not that deep. It's just gonna be okay.

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You like just stop, just stop. All right, here we go. Question number three.

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If you achieved all of your life goals tomorrow, achieved them all tomorrow, what would you do next? So all of these goals, they're done. What's the next thing that you would want to set as a goal for yourself? Okay, so I mentioned all the goals that I want to do. I would think maybe do something that was out of my preference zone, like go out of the country, do something crazy like skydiving or parasailing. That's something I've never really done before because I have a lot of,

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cool goals. So if I completed all of them tomorrow, let me just relax and just do things that are fun because I have a lot of goals. Like even though I have a few that are coming up right now, I still want to look at what's next for me as far as the career goes, where I want to live next because I don't have any roots in Philly. So I'm like, is it going to be California? Is it going to be Austin? Is it going to be somewhere where like Arizona? I don't know yet. So it's kind of like where Joe and I try to figure that out. So I would just want to just go on a good vacation.

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That's fine, we'll do next. Awesome, awesome. Be down for that.

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All right, number four, what was the most expensive meal you've ever eaten out? Well, OK, so, ha, shout out to very good friend, my baby Liz and her man, James. My birthday just recently passed and they took me to Fogo de Chao and it's a Brazilian steakhouse. And what I love about Liz is that when she goes to restaurants, she works in that business, she wants to give whoever she's taking there

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experience, giving the best experience possible. So, man, we had appetizers, we had actual all kind of drinks, all of the meats, all of the meats, and her and him paid for everything. She wouldn't let me see the check, but I would guesstimate it was like three or four hundred dollars. It was, it was, they wouldn't let me pull them out, pull on my wallet, but it was a beautiful experience. That's the most recent one. And then also, Joe and I on our first date, she took me

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to uh, Vincent fifth in Augusta, Georgia, child offensive fifth and she also gave me the full experience. So I got drinks, I got advertising, I got my entree and we got desserts. And I'm sure she spent, um, a good couple hundred dollars, but at the time she had just started flying for American. So she wasn't making very much. So I know she spent a good piece of money on me and I was really good for that. But I was like, you didn't have to do that. But she wouldn't put on my wallet. So yeah, I was grateful.

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So, so, alright, here we go, number five.

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If you were a superhero, what would your power be and why?

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OK, so this is kind of kind of weird. But I was thinking about like animorphs and like the ability to transform with the animals or to transform into really anything. And I kind of would like to be like a fly on the wall. I feel like if you were to kind of be able to have wings and just go somewhere and be very, very small, I would like to kind of go into like studios to hear like some of my music being made or go into a theater or just a fly to like an event and kind of hear the conversations.

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that could inspire me in the future. So I would like to be like this, sometimes I'm talking about saying, so it's just being there and listening. I would like to listen to a lot of perspective from everywhere all over the world. And it's like, wow, let me just learn and grow. I'm all about learning and growing through experiences. So yeah, I'll find a wall. Okay, okay. So that would be your superpower is that you would go and you'd gather this intelligence from other people and be like, hey, you know, your neighbor who you say you hate, they eat the same kind of cereal.

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as you, they, you know, or, or, you know, this, this world leader, he, he does the same thing in the morning. He brushes his teeth up to top first and then down at the bottom puts his left foot in his shoe and then his right foot, you know what I mean? It's like, yeah, I would be the first one who is like kind of just gaining perspective from other people and not necessarily trying to solve problems, but trying to just learn as much as I can from people who know more than I do. Yeah. Yeah. And through that would ultimately hopefully bring some peace to the world.

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And so in some camaraderie, like you said, that commonality that we have, that we, you know, we, everybody has so much in common, but people don't realize it because they don't want to take the time to get to know people, to have a conversation. It's a truth. That's a great superpower, Denise. That is amazing superpower. And that's it. That's our fast five. That's our time too. Denise, thank you so much. Thank you so much for being on the show today. You're welcome. I can't thank you enough for being here.

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I told you I couldn't do the first show without you being my first guest. So hopefully that every Thursday we'll have another episode. I'll have another amazing person to talk to, not quite as amazing as Denise, but I'll have another amazing person to talk to. If you want to see the amazing things that Denise is up to, you can always find her on Instagram at D nice six underscore. I'll put it in the links on here somewhere. I'll figure out how to do that.

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nice six underscore is Denise. Thank you again for being on my first episode. I love you so much. I love you. I tell my auntie about you all the time. And it's like, yeah, I said, he's one of my favorite people on the planet. And so we talk about everything. And honestly, I don't know where I would be without his positivity is constant. It's like, it's insistent. It's like, even if I feel like I'm not doing the best, he's just like, you are doing so many amazing things. Like, don't stop. And I'm like, I needed that. But how did he know? He just, he just knew.

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I need so many of that. So I need, I don't know. I just feel very grateful for you. You feel like a dream sometimes, you know? I appreciate you. Oh, thank you so much, Janice. I love you so much and thank you so much for being on the show. Absolutely.