Enero Maura, Podcaster, Nurse, Relationship Advocate

00:00
So I went from like the victim hood of like, I can't believe this happened to me. How could she do this to me to like, you're a piece of shit. That's why she did it to you.

00:14
Welcome to another episode of Chewing the Fat. I am your host, Big Robb. Thank you so much for downloading and tuning in. I certainly do appreciate it. Also wanna say a big shout out to at Garden City Artist on Instagram. I appreciate the coffee that you bought me at ChewingtheFatBR.com. It definitely helps keep these late night edit sessions rolling and I do appreciate that.

00:39
I also appreciate the guests that I have on this show and I'm so excited to bring on today is somebody who I have been talking to her for a while and we were just trying to make it work out. Please welcome Enero Maura. I, you was drinking, you were drinking a drink and it messed me up. I was like, wait, is he not ready? I didn't want to like, have you spit water out? I'm totally ready. Inero Mora, please welcome to the show, man. Hey man. Thanks for having me.

01:09
This is a, I'm happy to do this. I'm really ready to get on here and do this. Cause there's some stuff that you normally get into that figure is probably better actually for your show than my show, which is weird. And, and also, you know, I have to get you on my show as well. So let's do this. Let's get into this. We'll do it. We'll do it. And Nero is a podcaster like myself. He has his own podcast called Side Piece Season.

01:36
And we'll go into what that is as well, but also he is a nurse as well. Correct? Correct. Tell me about side piece season. So one of my buddies recently said that it's a, it's click bait. Click bait. He's like, you don't talk about side pieces at all. You don't give me any pointers. I w this is pointless. You click bait me. So my focus is relationships on my podcast and not just.

02:06
the standard relationships, right? There's relationships are like diets. There's a million of them out there. Like what works for you might not work for somebody else. And I wanna talk about all the things that happen in relationships. So a lot of people would only get onto, you know, somebody having a side piece or something like that. They'd only like really get into that with a kind of like, you know, aggression and hate, like, how dare you? You know, like it's amoral, it's sacrilegious, whatever, you know.

02:36
And, you know, it's a thing. It's something that does happen like quite a bit really, like if you look at it. So I thought, you know, why not? And I have had some experience in that field myself. So I thought, you know what, let's first, let's bring it all to bear in a podcast where we can talk about relationships and hopefully the goal is to get people to be the best that they can be like solo outside of the relationship. So that so when they show up and.

03:04
and bring that into the relationship, it's that much better. And if you're in a, you know, a side piece relationship, you know, why are you in it? Like, let's look at that, because there might be something that we, are you doing it because you're trying to fulfill some need that you're not getting filled elsewhere? And if that's the case, why can't you do it at home? Like, is there something internal that you need to work on, right? Like, everybody's always like, how did you do?

03:33
How could you? You know, it's like, well, why did, why could you? Like what's pushing you in that direction? So the focus is, it's definitely not a how to get a side piece podcast. That is not. Or else you would have named it that, right? You just named it how to get a side piece. And you know, like, you know, my mom technically was a side piece. Like it's one of those things, you know, I was telling somebody one time, I was like, I'm the son of side piece. So like it's been in.

04:02
from the beginning, like since before I was born, right? It's I've been affiliated with it. And, you know, obviously I also love relationships. I think that that's, you know, if you can get somebody that's really got your back and just it's nourishing and nurturing, nourishing and nurturing, you know, things are just better, right? Like it's nice to know that somebody, you've got somebody that has your back because it's kind of, you know, can get.

04:31
you know, it can get cold out there in the streets. Yeah, it can. So it's nice to know. So I just want people to have the best relationships possible. And that, you know, involves things like setting boundaries on yourself and setting boundaries on others. And all of these things that happen, you know, there's people always think, I think there's a overall assumption that if somebody has a side piece, like in a marriage, that their marriage is over.

05:00
Right. But the data doesn't back that up. Like generally. It will survive that one time. You know, and now the trust is obviously going to be an issue because the trust trust is like, you know, a piece of China, right? You break it, you can put it back together, but you probably won't have all the pieces back. So, you know, it's not going to be 100% ever again. That doesn't mean that you can't have something that's functional and, you know, useful. But generally speaking,

05:31
you know, that infidelity doesn't break up that type of sexual infidelity doesn't break up the marriage. It's a lot of not showing up in a bunch of other ways, right? Or whatever the relationship is. I mean, I'm not going to just say marriage, but people don't show up for each other. And at some point, the action of not showing up repeatedly, kind of tells the person all they need to know, right? It's like,

05:56
It might not happen right off the bat, but at some point it's like, yeah, okay, the evidence of your action says that you don't really care about me. So that's not cool with me, I'm out. Yeah, yeah. I mean, sometimes it's not just the lack of physical intimacy. It's the emotional intimacy that's missing. If you're not making that connection, if you're not meeting that person on that very, that deep need level, you know.

06:25
That's that's when the problems start to arise. I know as you're talking about, you know, the relationships are all different now I think it was just just last week. I saw that in Vogue magazine. They've got an article, you know his monogamy over Yeah Never, you know, it's but you know talking about that there are new relationships out there. There are people who are you know Vendoring into throuples and things like that, you know to have

06:54
those needs. And of course, I mean, there's been like TV shows and stuff of all us, you know, with like, you know, sister wives and this and that, you know, all this other stuff. I mean, yes, there's so many different types of relationships that are out there. I think that's the big thing is the realization that there are like the typical, you know, thing that's promoted the most here in America is the one man, one woman, you know, you have your 2.5 kids, all of that stuff. And that's what's,

07:24
presented and promoted the most. And that's the type that I prefer. Like I would, you know, like the thought of having sex with two women is exciting, but to actually be in a relationship with two women, that's very, like that's too much action. That's too much work for me. Like personally, I'm not knocking it for the people that are, but that like, no, not for me. But there's people out there that it works for, right? So I'm not poo pooing it, and I'm not trying to downplay it and say that it's,

07:53
not good or anything. Just like people are trying to say, monogamy is dead. Monogamy is outdated and it doesn't work. And no, it works for a lot of people. It doesn't work for everybody though. I will give you that. It's not the answer for everybody. And taking it to the side piece thing, right? Like if you, at the beginning of the relationship, you enter the relationship.

08:18
as if it's going to be a monogamous relationship, but you never really talk about it. And that's not what you want. That's not what you're interested in, but you never present it and give the person the option to, oh, okay, well, okay, so you wanna have two women or two men, whatever, you know what I mean? You've never presented it. And now five years in, you're doing this on the side. Well, you never gave me a chance at the beginning to say whether I'm, you know, if you would have told me that at the beginning, maybe I would have said, oh, let's try it. See how it works for me.

08:48
Or I could say, Oh, totally not interested. Um, not, I'm not your man. You know, and that, that speaks to something that I always go to in the podcast about communication, right? Like you've got to, you've got to show up as yourself, um, honestly, and, and then, you know, work from there. Cause whatever you're into, it's out there. Yeah. You know, don't try and force somebody or snooker somebody into what you want to do because you didn't have the.

09:19
heart to just come clean and be like, Hey, I'm into whatever, you know, and I can't talk about all those other, you know, types of relationships because I've never been in any of them. But, you know, I have been in this, I have been side, I've been a side piece and I've had some side pieces so I can speak to that. And I can tell you a lot of the, I can tell you all the reasons that it happened for me, which are not by any means an exhaustive list of all the reasons why people would do it. But, you know, I have a little bit more,

09:48
uh, sympathy, if you will, I don't know if that's the right word, but I, I don't like, I don't attack the person because they're doing it. It's like, okay, there's probably a reason that you're doing this. What's the reason? Like, and, and moving forward from there, you know, you kind of figure it out, but if we were, if we came clean and we were honest with ourselves and kind of stopped to figure out ourselves, which not everybody does. Um,

10:15
But if you figured yourself out beforehand and then led with that, you're gonna get what you're looking for. Right. And you're robbing somebody from either time or an opportunity. Like you said, you go into it and you don't mention it and all of a sudden it's something that you just kinda sneak in on the sly on the side. Whereas if you had been upfront about it, like I said, they either could have been down with it or if they weren't, you wouldn't have wasted their time and possible emotional...

10:45
damage that may have happened later once they find out or you get caught or whatever. You know what I mean? It may have been something that could have been avoided you know by not being so scared and or selfish at the beginning. And you definitely can't get time back right? Like that's the when it's all said and done that's the most valuable asset that we all have because it's finite. It's going you never can get it back.

11:15
So you owe it to that other person and to yourself, you know, like, cause a lot of people don't really do that self reflection and get to where they understand themselves fully or I don't know if you ever understand yourself fully, but you know what I'm saying? They don't, they don't do any self reflection whatsoever. And there's things that they don't really like, ah, I don't really plan. I, one of my buddies, when he was getting married, he was like, I,

11:42
I don't intend to stop having sex with other women. And I was like, that's interesting. Does your fiance know that? Like, of course, of course she didn't, you know, and it's like, if you, if you knew that about yourself, you should, you should leave with that because there's somebody out there that's totally fine with that. But you know, you don't know. And the assumption probably is that your fiance is not, and now you're going to just move forward with that. You're wasting.

12:11
potentially wasting a lot of her time. And like you said, causing a lot of pain, suffering, which like, I mean, that's the other thing. Like I don't, I think people, the more selfish you are, the more damage you invariably will cause, you know? Cause that, it ripples out, right? Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's, like you said, that's part of it. You've got to, you've got to.

12:39
And this applies to pretty much anything in the world, to not be selfish, to think of other people, to approach things with kindness. It's like, hey, yeah, this is something I'm into. Are you into it? I'm asking that because I don't want to waste your time. I don't wanna waste my time. And if you're not, that's fine. That doesn't mean that we can't still be friends or this, that, or the other, but we know that...

13:08
this particular type of matrimonial type of relationship just is not what we need to do. Yeah, yeah. The thing about it too, like I think a lot of people are so afraid to just say what they want because they're, you know, they're literally afraid of the response, but you shouldn't be afraid. Like what you want,

13:36
is what you should go after. So if you know, like, hey, this person is beautiful. I like everything about them, but I don't wanna be in a throuple and that's what they want. If you know that at the beginning.

13:53
I mean, it sucks, but you know what? This is not the only person out there that's for me. There's probably a thousand people that are a great match for me. And this isn't this, I like most of the stuff about this person, but they have this one thing that I'm not interested in. So I gotta go look for one of the other, scratch off one, I still got 999 to go. Right. Yeah. And you know, and that's hard work. And maybe you're like, oh, I'm so tired of trying, you know, the dating scene is, it sucks. And as you know, it's so difficult and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay.

14:22
It's like, all right, well, are you going to, you're going to just give up on what you want and your, you know, your standards and your boundaries. You're going to just going to break those down because it's hard. Yeah. I, you know, one of the things, uh, so you've heard, I'm sure happy wife, happy life, right? Yeah. And just talking to a buddy of mine about that, because he is, uh, going through divorce and he has lived his life. Trying to live up to the happy wife, happy life thing. And as it turns out.

14:52
She just took and took and took and took and took and took and took him for granted. And now is moving on. And it's like, I was like, well, so now you've learned the hard way, one valuable lesson, and that's that both people have to be happy. Like this whole thought of this, cause people like it's presented, like it's cool to be a hundred percent selfless in a relationship now, because sometimes the other person is going to take you for granted and do some shit that you don't like you've got to again, boundaries and you've

15:20
set them up on yourself and on that person. Like everybody gets a boundary, right? Everybody should have a boundary so that you can get the things you need out of life. Like that, you know, unless you're trying to be Mother Teresa or something, that whole selfless thing is like, if you will give, there's people out there that will take until you have nothing to give. Right. And you know, and there's, there's, it's not selfish to set those boundaries. It's not selfish. It's self-care. You have to, you know,

15:48
at the end of the day, at the end of your life, on that deathbed, it is just you and your last breath. That's it. Yes, you could be surrounded by a people that loved you and you loved, but it's your thoughts that sit with you as you are leaving this earth. And so you have to look at that moment like, hey, did I live, did I love, did I enjoy those decisions I made? Or...

16:18
Gosh, I wish I had this to do all over again. I think when you're setting those boundaries and you're consistent, I don't think that anybody like people feel like, Oh my God, like I'm, I'm doing this and I'm going to push people away. And that, I don't agree with that. I think that when you're consistent and you set the boundaries, then people know exactly how to interact with you. And then your interactions are always better.

16:44
Like not maybe perfect, but they're on the better end of the spectrum as opposed to them not knowing anything about what you really want. Yeah. Not knowing anything about your own because I mean, we're all kind of the vast majority of humans are considerate of the people that they interact with regularly. So if they know, oh, I, okay, this is a, this is a hard boundary for them. Like, okay, I'm not gonna, you know, I've hung out with people that don't drink. Yeah. They tell me, you know, no, it's fine. You, you know.

17:14
you can drink. Once I know that they don't drink, I don't drink in front of them. It's, you know what I'm saying? Like, I think that generally, the mass majority of people are going to be respectful of the person they're around boundaries. So if you don't stand up and voice your boundaries and let it be known, they can't even begin to accommodate you. And for the

17:44
They're the ones that definitely need to know because they need to know that there's gonna be a consequence. And you have to actually enforce the boundary because if you move the line, then it's not a boundary. Yeah, you have to stand up for yourself. Yeah. You know, and you were talking about that phrase, you know, happy wife, happy life. I've come to find that a much better phrase is happy spouse, happy house. Ooh, I like that one. Because that takes care of both sides.

18:13
Both sides can use that it's it's not just about Pleasing the one and then I've got to be on my own to try and figure out what I want to do for myself You know what? I mean, it's it's supposed to be a team You know whether that team has two players or three or four, you know, whatever but You know, it's it's it's you're supposed to be able to go through this thing together. That's why you that's why you pair up That's why you join up with these people. That's why they become you know, your tribe your super inner circle, you know

18:43
I like that happy, happy spouse, happy house. I made one up because I was trying to think of one and mine is much worse than that. Mine is if we ain't both happy, it's gonna be crappy. Well, I like yours better. Yours is a little bit more grammatically correct. But yeah, I mean, it's weird that people do so many of their relationship. People are living their relationship lives

19:13
on cliches and rhymes. Yeah. This is very important. This is like a big, big thing. You probably need some real facts. You know, if it rhymes and it's true, that's great. But like stop already. Right, right. You're calling in from Glendale, Arizona, is that right? Yep, that's where I'm at right now. So talk to me about how

19:42
your job as a nurse has, you know, because I'm sure you see families and obviously individuals and things like that and hell you may have been present at deathbed confessions and things like that with what you have to do. How has that, that job just influenced your perception of relationships? So

20:11
Definitely. So I do ICU and OR. Those are my two, that's the two that I do the most. And of the two, you know, like we deal with patients dying all the time, right? Like somebody comes in from a trauma and they get onto the OR table, they might not come off or they might come off only to go to the ICU, the other place that I work and be kept alive long enough for family to get in or something like that. You know, I mean, it's, so you see

20:40
You know, I've, I've seen, I haven't done a lot of, uh, pediatric traumas, thankfully, cause I don't, I'm not really a fan of that, but I've seen people dying, you know, at all ages. Of course, everybody always thinks about old people, right? But like in a hospital we're hitting on the, you know, there's a 14 year old that was skateboarding and hit their head wrong. And, you know, so I've seen from teenagers all the way up. And I know for a fact, you know, we've, you know,

21:05
when they do some of those emergency, you know, when in the beginning of my OR time, we would do a lot of emergency C-sections. They don't, we don't always get there in time. So I've seen death across the age spectrum, right? From infant all the way to the elderly. And the one thing...

21:28
a couple things. Like humans are really strong, but yet super fragile. Like it's, it's weird. Like every time I watch a football game, I always think like, how is nobody dead? Like, you know, like it's so powerful, it's so violent. But we're really, you know, we're really strong, but really frail. And like, everybody has this expectation that they're going to make it to be a ripe old age. And that's just not true. Like, so

21:56
taking those things into consideration with relationships. It's like, you know, I really try not to let, like when I get mad about something, you know, I try to like keep that all in perspective. Like, listen, does this matter in the grand scheme of this relationship, in the grand scheme of this person in your life? Is this shit really something that you should be mad about?

22:22
And I do that just to kind of let myself let go of it because, you know, we hold onto these things and then, and then there's a lot of shit that happens that I've seen, you know, again, from being in a hospital and just knowing a bunch of people, like where people have told themselves a story that isn't actually true. And so now all of a sudden I'm pissed off at you, Rob for something that I made up in my mind. It was not true. And I'm like, you know, it's totally altered the course of our relationship and

22:50
You know, the friendship is just real because I'm thinking about some shit that's not even real, right? Yeah. So I try to like focus on the important things like, because none of the, none of the, like you said about, you know, on your deathbed, I've never heard anybody that was on their way out. They're like, you know what? In high school, there was this dude and he was a jerk to me one day. Fuck him.

23:16
Nobody's ever said some shit like that, right? It's like, you get so in your ego and so emotional about these, some trivial shit. It's like, eh, there's big things to be, there's big issues to deal with for sure. And like, if it's not something really, really huge and significant, you need to let that shit go and move on. So that would be my takeaway from,

23:45
You always think how, you know, I'll do it tomorrow. Yeah. Next year, I'll do it next year. Um, you know, in the, you know, when I turned 50, I'm going to, I'm going to go on a trip to such and such, um, there's a lot of that, you know, procrastination and just, you know, assuming living on the assumption that you have infinite time when we, you know, no matter what, you don't have infinite time. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, you know, that's, I don't think we're all guilty of that to a certain

24:15
extent, you know what I mean? It's like we all think we're kind of Immortal younger people much more so than older people. I realized every time I wake up in the morning I'm not immortal Did all these gears would work the way that they're supposed to and not creak and crack and pop, you know but it's It's one of those things where you have to say, you know, yeah take the trip by the car

24:45
see the show, you know, kiss the girl, whatever it is. You know, if that's on your, you know, your bucket list, things that are on the bucket list, it's like, well, you know, that should not be a bucket list. That should just be like a regular to-do list. It's like, okay, which one of these things can I do today? Oh, I wanna go skydiving or something. Okay, cool, that way that that's now off the list. And now you can put something else there for tomorrow. Yeah.

25:14
you know, and if tomorrow doesn't come, you at least will have done some cool shit, you know? Yeah, man, I mean, it's definitely, it's your life, nobody else is gonna do it for you. And to think that you have all of this time is a huge mistake that most of us make. And you know, I'm-

25:38
I see this stuff all the time. Um, but it's not, it's not like I don't, you know, I don't always, uh, I don't carpet DM every day, you know, like, you know, it's that's right. What's up Moj? Um, but yeah, no, it's, it's one of those things like you definitely need to, um,

26:00
You don't know how much time you have. It's, it's, you know, I, it's corny, you know, super corny, but the president is a gift, right? Yeah. No, seriously. It's a, it's really a gift. I mean, it's a super corny saying, and I hate that it's so corny, but it's also a hundred percent true. Yeah. You know, you don't know, like you can think all you want about tomorrow. Um, might not make it there. And then like all that shit that happened, like everything that happened

26:30
really just let that shit be in the past because that's where it is. You know, it's, you have right now, you know, we're doing this. Thanks again for having me on your podcast. It's dope to see. And yeah, man, it's like, this is what we got. Like make the most of it, enjoy it. That's the other thing, enjoy it. So if you're not, if things are happening that are stopping you, don't worry about, you know, how much money you're making and all that stuff. Like if you, you should be able to enjoy

27:00
for free. So if there's things that are getting in the way of that, let's figure that out. Whether you need to get counseling or something, or if it's just something, again, you're living off of some things. I'm 51 years old. And I spent a lot of my 20s and 30s mad about shit that happened to me when I was single digits in teens, my family life. I spent a lot of time really fucking mad about that shit. You're not eight no more.

27:30
Right. That shit go. Yeah. You know, not no more. Let that shit go. And some of it could have been really major. Like mine wasn't mine was just like, when I look at all the things that are out there, it wasn't as bad as some of the things that I know, some people have gone through, um, but I wasn't mature enough to realize that then, and I was holding on to it and like, it was impacting things that I did to include my relationships. So, you know, you, you know, it's like, you're not eight years old no more, let that shit go.

27:59
Yeah, you know, and that's one of those things is also, you know, forgiveness is a, is a big boy pants adult flex. I mean, you, you, that's, that's major adulting when you learn forgiveness and how to give forgiveness and how to accept forgiveness too. I, one of the, so I just did an episode not too long ago about forgiveness. And it's funny that you say that, cause like, I tell people all the time that will listen, like one of the hardest.

28:29
things to do is to forgive. And one of the hardest people to forgive is yourself. You know, like, I mean, not to say that there aren't other people, you know, I didn't have, you know, I didn't have any child abuse or anything, you know, I'm sure there are things, but for me, in the way that I live my life, one of the hardest people for me to forgive was myself. And once I did that, shit was great. Like, I mean, it's a definite, like, you know, line in the sand, like, before I forgave myself and after I forgave myself.

28:59
Um, and then, you know, just anybody, because when you carry that around and you're in your, have this grudge, um, I mean, sometimes you can, you can use that to your advantage, right? Like if you played a sport and people laughed at you or whatever, and you're like, I'm going to show them, you know, it makes you a little bit more of a beast in your sport, you know, it's, it's now it's fuel, but I mean, generally speaking, if you're alone and you're mad and kind of not enjoying your life and living a vendetta.

29:28
against somebody that doesn't even remember you. Yeah. You know, or is not going to, they don't have any compassion for you. So even if they really did wrong you and they don't, you're just propagating that. And the more you think about it, your brain doesn't know the difference between it happening eight years ago and it happening right now. If you're thinking about it all the time, the same chemicals get reduced, reduced, released. You're going through the same thing over again. You're making yourself like.

29:58
go through it and replay it and suffer it over and over again. Like it's detrimental to your, your own health. Like they say forgiveness is, you know, like it's freeing to the individual. That shit is real. Like that's, I can tell you that's real. Like it's, it's a, it's not sexy. People don't like to, you know, we're, we watch, you know, we got the cowboy movies in the, in the.

30:23
war movies and all this stuff where you get that person, like you, you know, don't stop till they're dead or what, like, but that's, you know, real life's not like that. Yeah. Real nice. You can do a lot. You have a lot more control over your emotions, which is something that I'm always talking about on the podcast, right? Like emotional literacy, emotional intelligence, like knowing that you can do these things, nobody ever tells you, hey, you can just forgive everybody. You don't have to like, and forgiveness doesn't mean like, let's get into the real,

30:53
topic of forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn't mean everything's cool now. I forgive him and be like, hey, guess what, I don't fuck with you no more though. You cross the boundaries, peace out. Yeah, that's what I was about to say, because that's still a boundary. It's like, hey, I've forgiven you, but I've also set up this boundary that our relationship, I realize, was toxic. So I've forgiven you for your part in that. I'm asking forgiveness for my part in that,

31:23
as part of this healing process, I'm having to establish a boundary and it's a boundary I can't move because I know how bad that was. And I don't think there's anything, there's nothing wrong with it. And of course, again, depending on that emotional maturity of that other person, they're gonna cuss you out, call you names, whatever, or they can accept that. Yeah, yeah. And that's not on you. It's not on you to make them accept it.

31:51
It's just on you to be honest about it, honest about yourself and get that out, to do that work. Yeah, yeah, it's all about, to me, it's really all about setting yourself free and setting yourself up for success. Because all of these unresolved, I interviewed this guy not too long ago and he said that if you don't complete it, you repeat it. And I was like,

32:20
That's a dope rhyme. You know, you live it on rhymes. So I don't want to lie. I don't want to, I don't want you all to live on rhymes if they're not, if they're not real, but that one's real. Like if you don't resolve whatever problem you had in the past, it's going to play a part in everything you do moving forward. Yeah. It's, it's always there. Kind of like whispering in your ear, like, Oh, remember that one time they did that shit to you. This is going to happen again. Or, or it spreads onto other people who had nothing to do with it. Right.

32:48
You know, it taints another relationship. It's something that happened in your childhood and because you were done wrong or you had this impression or you had this failure by a person that said they cared about you, you take that and you apply it to someone else and approach that relationship with, oh, they're gonna let me down too. I'm not gonna put myself into it the way I should because I know they're gonna let me down too. Oh yeah, yeah. Painting everybody with the same paintbrush. Yeah, yeah.

33:17
For sure. So your job as an OR in the ICU really fascinates me. Do you have any stories that just come to mind that were like, you ain't gotta tell people's names or whatever, but just humorous operating room stories. Because my mother was an operating room nurse. Okay. For 35 years.

33:45
She tells some stories now, granted she was a nurse at a time that was completely different from the time you were a nurse. So they didn't have all the modern technology they have now. And she tells a story about a woman's hair catching on fire from the anesthesia one time. Oh yeah, that oof, yeah yeah. The oxygen came out. Yeah yeah yeah. Hair went up on a cauterizing cut. But, you'd have to pad it out. But you got any antidote from?

34:13
from the surgical gallery? I can tell you, there's a lot of crazy things that I can tell you. And but I'm going to tell you one that's just funny. And it kind of falls in line with since, since there is a undercurrent of sex in my podcast, I'm going to, I'm going to a very minor one actually, but it's there. So we had this kid that came in. He was a young guy. He was in the Navy and he was riding a crotch rocket. And he had a accident, broke his neck.

34:43
So, so, uh, he had a priapism. I don't know if you would that is that's when you just have a spontaneous erection. Okay. So, and it's common when you have like, you know, head and neck injuries, like you can get this. So, uh, guys feel like, I don't know his age, but you know, he's under 22, you know, young, like peak physical, you know, specimen. Right. So we had this nurse that is, uh, I won't use her name, but she was very, she was probably in her

35:13
50s and very, very proper. So this is down in Pensacola. So this is a Southern gal, very, very proper. And she was like, you know, we were getting it in. Back then I was a surgical tech, so I wasn't a nurse at that point. And so I'm setting up all my instruments and I kind of have my back turned to all of that. And the doctor came in, just hang up some extra phrase and stuff. We weren't digital back then. And

35:43
He's hanging on, he's saying, we're going to do this, this and this. And, you know, I don't know if it's going to work or not, but we got to try. And just as he said, we got to try. She pulled off the, we transferred, I guess they were transferring from the stretcher onto the OR bed and she pulled the sheets off. And he, you know, so now you have this Greek God of a kid, this huge, I mean, he was, he was, he was big, he was big and he had this huge erection and she goes, oh yes, we have to save him. And then.

36:12
everybody, because it's the last person you'd expect to hear something like that from. So everybody turned around like everybody's looking like, and, you know, said her name. And she was just, you know, you got the mask on, but you can see her whole face was like beet red, just glowing. And she's like, I believe I said that out loud. But it was that was pretty. That was pretty funny. That was a great. But like, she's just like, it like, ta da, like, oh, my God, we have to save him.

36:42
If no one else in this room survives today, this young man needs to make it. Oh my God. That's awesome. You do. Do you do a lot of traveling? Uh, are you a traveling nurse? Yeah. Yeah. I've been on the road now for four years. Um, I, uh, so I was in the panhandle of Florida for 20 years and, um, the whole time I was there, I was married. So when we got divorced,

37:12
we got divorced after 20 years, you know, it just wasn't, I just had to get the hell out of there. Yeah. And, you know, I was a nurse. So it's like, what better way to get the hell out of there than to go make more money and just bounce around. So the downside is that, you know, you're always moving around, you're, you know, you gotta travel light, which I always accumulate. Like before I leave here, I have to like, shred some things or shed some things, I should say.

37:39
because I've accumulated a lot more. But, you know, making more money than I ever made and I get to bounce around and just, you know, see different things. And so it's working out good. I like travel nursing. It works out. Like, I mean, obviously if I was married, this would not be as easy. Although there are people that do this, you know, where one of the people is not a nurse or even medical and they just, they make it work. But,

38:10
when you're, when you're a solo act, it's perfect. And then, you know, a solo act on a podcast or two, like, it's great. Cause I can always talk to people and, you know, like get stuff out of them. Uh, yeah, they like it. I like it. I was going to say, did the, uh, the, the traveling help like you did, is that where the idea for the podcast came about is from the traveling from the, um, you know, not really. So what happened was I, um,

38:40
Like even when I hit the road, it still took a while for me to like, process the divorce and kind of get to a good place with that. And then when I, once I got there, uh, I was like, man, like, and what's the point of all of that? Like, what's the point of like having a relationship like blow up on me after two decades? Um, you know, and I was literally asking myself that question. And then, um, I was like, well, should I write a book? Should I?

39:09
What should I do? Like, I feel like this information, I need to do something with it. And I was going a bunch of different ways with it. It wasn't like, ah, podcast. Podcast was one of those things that kind of, I thought about after the fact, I was thinking about writing a book and, you know, it was like just a bunch of different things. And then it was like, hmm, podcast. Like, I think that could work. Like if I could do it the right way.

39:38
and talk about it. I mean, there's literally podcasts about everything. So I was like, why not? Like, you know, a divorce dude that, you know, has had a lot of exposure to the side piece thing and just seen a lot of relationship things occur, because obviously tons of nurses, you know, are married. And so I'm working with a lot of women and I get to hear their side a lot. And I know some of the men's side. So I was like, you know what? I'm going to use this. I'm going to.

40:06
take all of this that I know and that I've been exposed to. Plus I'm always reading books and stuff about, you know, I love like Brene Brown and John Gottman. There's a lot of things that I've read that I'm like, man, this is, this needs to get a bigger, I shouldn't say a bigger, cause I mean, I'm sure they're big in their own right. But you know, like I'd like to transmit this to as many people as I could, this information so that people can be, you know, better in relationships.

40:35
and have better relationships, which I, you know, I totally love relationships. I feel like my life was richer. It's still, it's awesome outside of one, but it was also a little bit nicer inside of one, you know? You don't have to have, you know, I hate that it completes me thing, you know? You need to be as close to complete on your own because that's too much power to give somebody else.

41:01
But yeah, man, it just was one of those things that just like thinking about like, okay, what's the point of all this? What's the lesson from all this? And who could benefit from hearing this? You know, it was like, if. So my original idea for the podcast was this is me talking to me at 18. That was the audience, right? You know, they always tell you, oh, you got a niche down. Like legitimately my podcast was like, again, there's no time machines, but my podcast is me talking to me at 18.

41:31
knowing like the kind of stupid things that I believed back then, you know? And it's funny because looking at my demographics, when I get into the whole thing, like there's nobody in that age group.

41:45
But also there's plenty of people that are in my age group and that don't know the thing, you know, that they're like, oh wow, somebody was a 40 year old, hit me up, I'm just like, I had never heard that before. And I'm like, damn it, you're 40. Like, you know, I know. So I know that there's people out there that don't know and don't have somebody that's interested in like, hey, let's actually get you to the place where you can be able to really rock a relationship and have a fantastic one.

42:19
All right, E, this is our second segment. This is the segment where we talk a little bit more about mental health. Everybody in the world goes through down days. Sometimes it's more depression, actually diagnosed depression. Sometimes it's anxiety. Sometimes it's like, say you just feel a little off, but everybody goes through it and people aren't alone, but I think the conversation is important to be had because it helps people realize that. So for you, how do you keep the darkness at bay?

42:49
I love this question by the way. One of the things that I, I'm a big practitioner of gratitude. Like once I went through, so the first big hurdle was for me to stop feeling like I was victimized. Like the divorce kind of caught me. I felt blindsided, but in retrospect, I was like, oh yeah, there was like, there was precursor things that I just didn't pick up on. But,

43:19
Overall, I felt kind of blindsided and I kind of really, really embraced the victim mode. And that sent me into like, I wouldn't say depression, I would say despair, right? Like I just, I just felt like, you know, like this has never happened to anybody else. You know, I felt like such a failure and on all these different levels. And so once I was able to like get some distance, kind of calm down the emotions and start to think straight.

43:48
and realize the things that I did and the cues that I missed.

43:55
I felt really like, then I was really down on myself. So that kind of made the despair change to like, you're a piece of shit. So I went from like the victim hood of like, you know, I can't believe this happened to me. How could she do this to me to like, you're a piece of shit. That's why she did it to you. Like, so once I was able to forgive myself, like everything kind of opened up. Then I was able to appreciate what I still had. And slowly but surely I got.

44:24
back and got stronger. But like, I was definitely, you know, before all that, I was very, very, I didn't care if I lived or died. I wasn't suicidal. I would, you know what, that's putting it too light. I wasn't suicidal, as in I would not have killed myself, but I did a lot of shit that could have resulted in great personal harm, maybe even up to death. I was drinking and driving like a savage. I was, you know, I lived in the South. So I'm everywhere I go. I'm carrying a gun.

44:53
just a lot of, you know, going to places I shouldn't be, you know, like rough and tumble spots, things like that. You know, I just did a lot of things that were, you know, I'm not gonna kill me, but if something happens and I die, eh, okay. Cause I really didn't want to, like I didn't want to feel that pain. So I didn't have a direct plan of something that I was gonna do, but I took a lot of like,

45:21
I feel ashamed, particularly about the drinking and driving, because when I was doing it in the moment and all of that pain and thinking about that stuff, I never thought about the ramifications, right? I could have hit somebody else and killed, like, I could have killed somebody, an innocent bystander, and have shit to do with my dumb shit and my inability to process the situation. So I really, that really got hammered home one night. I was at a party. And

45:51
a friend got drunk and like, they're like, Oh, take her home, you know, and I'm like, and I, and I drove her home and then like the next day, like, you know, I mean, I was drunk. I was not as drunk as she was because she was damn near passed out. But like, I was thinking, you know, I wasn't much better than her and like, she could have like the safest thing for her to do would just been sleep there and wake up and drive herself home in the morning.

46:18
but I took her life into my hands. And that really, that hit, that made me say, okay, you gotta stop this shit. Like you're just wallowing in this. You gotta get through this. And the only way through it is through it. So, process a lot of things, you know, had to forgive myself. And then that just kind of set me on the thing where I was like analyzing things differently and really like trying to be grateful for.

46:45
Then I was able to appreciate all the things, because I put so many people at risk, their health and wellbeing at risk. And I really felt ashamed about that. And I was like, you know what? This is not the gig. This is not your mission. This is not what you came to the earth to do. Help people, be better, get your shit together and be better. And so for me, I think gratitude is a big thing, being appreciative of what you have and really just like...

47:15
knowing that like, you know, the shit is a gift. Like if you're here, if you woke up, you know, whatever your ailment is, you know, cause I mean, we're all getting older, right? Like get the aches and pains for no reason, but like you're here, like it's fucking, it's fucking dope. It's like, you were here, you woke up again, like hell yeah, like where's the cake? Let's do it. You know what I mean? Like, so, so that's like, that's how I keep it at bay, man. I focus on

47:43
the positivity and that's one of the things from the standpoint of, you know, the podcast has this name, Psypc's and you'd expect it to be dealing with salacious stuff and negative stuff, but like, I only really want, like, of course we talk about bad things because you have to talk about negative aspects of relationships, but I'm doing it to pump the positivity. I want people to be the best version of themselves they can be and have fucking amazing relationships. You know?

48:11
And, you know, like if I can get you to be thankful for like everything that you have, you know, I'm for it.

48:25
All right, this is our third segment is time now for the fast five. It's time for the fast five. Sorry, I don't have a theme song. I'm still working on it. Fast five is powered by pod decks. It's an app created by a friend, Travis Brown Travis. What up Travis? It's great for podcasters always give you interview questions and ice breakers, but like I said, it's great. Get the physical decks and

48:55
Keep a few in your wallet, you know, or your back pocket. When you just meet strangers on the street, just ask them a random question. See how that turns out in life, you know? But if you go to chewinthefatbr.com slash pod decks, you can use the promo code CHEW, get 10% off your physical decks. All right, are you ready for this? I'm ready, man, let's go. All right, just five random questions. Answer the first thing comes off top of your head. No wrong answers, all right? Here we go.

49:26
What makes you lose track of time? Not anything specific. It's whenever I can get into whatever I'm doing. So if I'm hiking, you know, and there's a lot of scenery to see, uh, I lose track of time. If I'm reading something that's really good and intriguing to me, I'll lose track of time. If I'm watching videos about how to edit podcasts, to lose track of time, because it's not something that I'm great at. So it just, as long as I'm in it,

49:54
you know, hanging out with my nephews. Like when we're, when we're doing stuff, when we go to the park and you know, they're doing all their crazy stuff. Like as long as I'm involved in it, like I will lose track of time. Yeah. If you're there, you're there. If you're present in it, that's what makes you lose track of time. Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. That's awesome. All right. Number two.

50:15
What are you superstitious about? Superstitious about I am not superstitious. I don't believe in ghosts or any of that stuff. OK, however. I don't break any superstitious things that people say when I'm at work. So whatever it is, if because I don't have them, I don't think that is real. Like, but if they say, oh, you can't do, you know, you can never put the.

50:42
If this person comes in, you can't put the grounding pad on the right, but no matter what, because of this, like whatever they have, I don't, I don't ever break it. Okay. I think it's crap, but like, I also don't break it. It was like, you know what? I'm not going to, I'm not going to push my luck. I think it's stupid, but I'm going to go with it. You're respecting their boundaries. Yes. I think that's, that's what it is. You're respecting their crazy superstitious boundaries. Uh, no, that's good. That's good. All right. Number three.

51:11
What did your 15 year old self imagine you'd be doing right now? So when I was 15, I wanted to be a priest. Wow. Yeah. So not that like I'm, I mean, but let's, but let's, you know, let's, let's look into that though. I mean, you are, you are kind of counseling folks in speaking of relationships. I mean, there is a part of that.

51:41
still in you. Well, there's a thread of, of, of helping people, you know, like you look at my, like there is definitely a thread of helping people in, in, in service for sure. I mean, I was in the military before all this. And so, so there is a vibe to that. And, um, but yeah, no, a priest, like I didn't have sex that I was like almost 19, like people and people, I used to tell people all the time, like,

52:08
I know I'm a virgin and they were just like, you don't have to lie to us, man. If you don't wanna talk about it, don't talk about it. I'm like, I'm not lying to you. And they didn't believe it. I was saving myself for the Lord. Yeah, okay, okay. Number four.

52:26
What's the most annoying bill you have to pay? The most annoying bill I have to pay? Probably the water and electric on my house in Florida. Cause I'm not in my house in Florida. Okay. Yeah. Every time you see that, that's the bill you cuss when you're like, or log on to do it or whatever, right? Yeah. I got it. I got it. All right. And number five.

52:56
What is the best type of cheese? Ooh, that depends. I generally like a sharp cheese. I will say that. I generally like a sharp cheese, and there's a lot of cheeses that I haven't had. I probably only had like 12 different cheeses in my life, and I know there's like much more than that. I don't.

53:21
I don't like Swiss cheese, although that's technically a sharp cheese. So that that gets thrown out the little when I was a kid that cheese out of the can remember that she's right cheese. Yes. Yeah. It's the kill that like I will you couldn't stop me. Now I don't like that or or the melted stuff. It's for your nachos like oh yeah yeah yeah. I'm real cheese. Yeah, I want real cheese. But I'm gonna say my favorite

53:50
My two favorites, Sharp Shetter and Gouda. Okay. That's good enough for me. Oh wow. All right, E, that is our Fast Five and that is our time. Thank you so much for being here today. I really appreciate learning more about you and just having a chance to talk with you. It's been a while since we've had a chance to just really sit down and talk.

54:18
So I really appreciate that. If folks want to keep up with you, what's the easiest way for them to find you? Easiest thing to do is go on Instagram and it's sidepiece underscore season. That's the, I have other stuff in the work, like a website and a Patreon and buy me a coffee and all that stuff that I'm supposed to be doing that I haven't done yet. So definitely Instagram. For now, Instagram's the spot. And I'm also on Twitter at sidepiece season, all one word, but I don't, I haven't really put much up there. So,

54:47
Instagram's your number one spot for now. Okay. Where to come? And of course the podcast itself, I'm sure there's a link on your Instagram to be able to find a podcast. And I will put those links in the show notes as well. Of course you can find out more about E and all of our past guests on the website at chewingthefatbr.com. E, one more time, man, thank you so much for being here. I really, really appreciate it. Man, this is awesome. I'm glad to get the chance to do this. And of course, you know, I told you this back when we were in our top secret

55:17
group that I was gonna be on your podcast and I was gonna have you on mine. So.

55:24
know that I'm coming for you for yours. I will be there for you, my friend. All right. Thank you again for being here. And if you would like to support this podcast, please consider buying me a coffee at chewingthefatbr.com. I certainly would appreciate it. And while you're on the website, you can also check out the merch store. Got some t-shirts and journals. I think they're pretty cool, but just check them out and let me know what you think. And I look forward to the next time when we have some time to sit a spell and chew the fat.